Foreword

 Foreword

This blog is written with the sole purpose of taking the wisdom of Tiruvalluvar (The Weaver-Sage) of 2nd Century BCE to young minds.  The book of 1330 couplets in 133 chapters was written in Tamil.  The book talks about the duties and responsibilities of Householders, Ascetics, Rulers/Leaders.

18 Chapters from  the section on householder’s duties, rules of conduct and responsibilities are covered in several posts, supplemented with video recordings.  Many sources were referred and the posts written.  Tirukkural is a literary masterpiece as well as a detailed code of conduct.  While its greatness and the reverence given to this book and the author (name not known - but goes by TiruValluvar) by the Tamil speaking population cannot be denied, my purpose here is not so much to praise the author or the poetic beauty of the work as to render the teaching to be of benefit to young minds, especially those who have not studied Tamil as a language as part of their curriculum.

I am a Tamil native and had Tamil  as the medium of instruction in my pre-college education.  I am a Civil Engineer by profession and retired as a Professor of Civil Engineering in 2005.  I have tried to get ideas from several books and articles and compiled these posts.

Readers are invited to give their comments in the blogs.  If pressed for time and cannot go through these in detail, at least pass on to potential leaders of tomorrow.

This blog contains mainly the following topics as covered in  Tirukkural supplemented with additional details and support information:

Importance of

1.  Pleasant Words

2. Gratitude

3. Impartiality (justice/equity)

4. Self-control

5. Decorum

6. Not envying

7. Not Coveting

8. Refraining from Slander

More will be added in due course.

Chapter 19: Refraining from Slander/Backbiting (குறள் அதிகாரம் 19: புறங்கூறாமை)

 Chapter 19: Refraining from Slander/Backbiting (குறள் அதிகாரம் 19: புறங்கூறாமை) compiled by me.

This is article 21 on Chapter 19 dealing with the evils of slandering and how to overcome the bad habit of slandering or back-biting.

(more articles/audio/live reading record available here)

Backbiting or tale-bearing or slandering someone in their absence is talking negatively about someone when they’re not physically in the room with you. It’s roughly equivalent to gossip, one of the more common behaviours in human society. -- From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Causes

Backbiting may occur as a form of release after a confrontation. By insulting the opposing person, the backbiter diminishes them and, by doing so, restores their own self-esteem. A bond may also be established with the confidante if they are receptive to the hostile comment. Such gossip is common in human society as people seek to divert blame and establish their place in the dominance hierarchy. But the backbiting may be perceived as a form of delinquent behaviour due to an inferiority complex.

The essence of chapter verses

Couplets 181 to 185 talk about the evils of back-biting. To stress the importance of realizing the need to stop back-biting, the Sage says that no matter how many good virtues one may possess, the one bad quality of back-biting will nullify it all. To speak of another in their absence is bad enough; it is even worse to be hypocritical by appearing friendly in their presence and speaking ill of them in their absence.

Couplet 181:

Though one does not even speak of virtue and live in sin, it will be well if it be said of him "he does not slander".

Couplet 182:

To smile deceitfully (in another's presence) after having reviled him to his destruction (behind his back) is a greater evil than the commission of (every other) sin and the destruction of (every) virtue.

Couplet 183:

It is better to die than to live by backbiting and then being hypocritical; so dying, may yield the benefits spoken of by moral scriptures.

Couplet 184:

It is passable to speak impolitely to someone face to face, but never utter an imprudent word behind the back.

Couplet 185:

Though every word is full of kindly virtue, A man's mean back-biting will betray his empty heart.

Couplets 186 to 189 warn how one would lose their close friends and relatives because of the habit of slandering and thus isolate the slanderer.

Couplet 186:

If a man spreads tales of others' faults, His own worst faults will be exposed and spread.

Couplet 187:

Those who know not to live in friendship with amusing conversation will by back-biting estrange even their relatives.

Couplet 188:

If men are disposed to spread the faults of friends, What deadly harm might they do to strangers?

In couplet 189 the weaver-sage shows his feelings against slanderers by wondering how come Mother Earth is still supporting such people and satisfies himself that it is because of the extreme forbearing quality as Her Dharma that Mother Earth is supporting such!

Couplet 189:

The earth tolerates the presence of a slanderer on it apparently because of its commitment to the virtue of patience.

The closing couplet Tiruvalluvar gives one very effective way of learning to avoid slandering. If one develops the habit of looking at one’s self and realize how many bad qualities and evil actions that oneself possesses just as easily as they find it in others, then the urge to slander will go away. This together with the couplet 186 (which makes one realize that the more they slander others, the more of their own faults will be spoken of) form an effective tool to remove the habit of slandering from oneself.

Couplet 190:

If men perceived their own faults as they do the faults of others, Could misfortune ever come to mankind?

Religious views

In most major religions, backbiting is considered a sin. Leaders of the Baháʼí Faith condemned it as the worst of sins as it destroyed the 'life of the soul' and provoked divine wrath. In Buddhism, backbiting goes against the ideal of right speech. Saint Thomas Acquinas classified it as a venial sin, being commonly found in all mankind, but considered it to be the gravest sin that one could commit against one's neighbour. Islam considers it to be a major sin. Additionally, it is not permissible for one to keep quiet and listen to backbiting. In Judaism, backbiting is known as hotzaat shem ra (spreading a bad name) and is considered a severe sin.

Four-steps-for-ending-team-back-biting

1) Gather your group together and ask them the question: “Do you believe backbiting happens here?” This is an important first step. There’s no chance of behavioural change if people are in denial about the problem.

2) Define backbiting. Rolfsen employed what he called the Socratic Triple Filter Test, asking the group:

“Do you know if what you’re going to tell me is true?”

“Is it anything good you’re going to tell me about my friend?”

“Is it useful?”

If a statement is untrue or ambiguous, does nothing good and is not useful, it’s probably back biting.

3) Ask the question, “Would you like to work in a team where there is no backbiting?”

4) Once you have buy-in, the final step is to challenge your team to an ambitious project: Starting from the new year, there will be no backbiting for 6 months! Write “Gossip2019” on a clipboard and have everyone sign it. Then, every week, you ask people, “How are we doing on Gossip 2019?”

Source: https://drclue.com/four-steps-for-ending-team-back-biting/

_________________________

The Difference between Gossiping and Back-biting

Many people cannot control themselves from carrying tales from one place to another. If they hear something scandalous at one location, they promptly go to another location and spread the tale of the scandal after adding their own flourish and imaginary details. People do not always gossip with an evil intention. It is just a bad habit that people indulge in without much thought.

A particular form of gossiping is ‘back-biting’ in which we say only bad things about a second person or a situation to a third person and with the evil intention of defaming, ridiculing or bringing him down. An example is telling about a classmate of yours to the teacher with the intention of getting him scolded. Eventually, gossip and back-biting catch up with the person who indulges in it, with the result that it is he and not the person he spoke about, who gets a bad reputation. People try to be careful of a gossiper and a back-biter and he is kept at a distance in all the important discussions. These bad habits just create a lot of conflict and misunderstandings and are therefore very bad Karma according to our scriptures.

Gossipers, violators of noble traditions of one’s family and Dharma, parasites who live off other people’s money and those who lack gratitude towards friends who have helped them – all of these definitely go to hell. [Mahābhārata 13.23.66]

How can we overcome the habit of Gossiping and Back-Biting

Try to discuss ideas or discuss yourself and not the third person.

If you bear a grudge against someone, do not gossip about him. Instead, go to him directly and get all your disputes or misunderstandings cleared first hand.

Put yourself in the place of others and ask yourself if you would feel happy were a third person to gossip about you.

Finally, learn to talk less and do not indulge in useless or long conversations. A very talkative person frequently gets carried away and unintentionally says things that he had not planned to. All this unplanned talk constitutes gossip and can lead to negative consequences.

By cultivating Discreteness: We should honor privacy of other person’s confidential information and handle delicate situations with sensitivity and diplomacy. For example, if we know that our friend uses drugs, we must not go and broadcast it to the entire world. Rather, it is better to speak to him personally and ask him to overcome his addiction or talk to his parents so that they can help him.

Bheeshma said – Only fake people criticize others or say bad things about them behind their backs. Genuine and truth persons always criticize others in front of saints. [Mahābhārata 12.132.13]

Source

Notable examples:

In the Book of Numbers, the elder siblings of Moses – Miriam and Aaron – talk against him together. God is angered and punishes Miriam with leprosy.

Gordon Brown (a former Prime Minister of UK) notoriously accused Gillian Duffy of being a "sort of bigoted woman" after conversing with her pleasantly during his 2010 election campaign. This remark was made to his staff as he was driving away but was picked up by a live microphone. This incident caused him great embarrassment and he returned to apologise, declaring that he was a "penitent sinner".

In the Hindu epic Mahabharata an incident of how Sri Krishna was subject to slander and how he addressed it. In Dwaraka, Shatrajit was blessed with the gift of Shyamantak gem. Lord Krishna suggested to Shatrajit that he should share the benefits of Shyamantak with all in Dwaraka. Shatrajit did not want to do that as he felt it was given to him for enjoyment. Some time later Shatrajit’s brother Prasena wore the jewel and went hunting. Due to some mishap, Prasena died in the forest. As he did not return, Shatrajit felt and started spreading the rumor that Krishna killed Prasena and took hold of Shyamantaka. So Kriahna set out to clear himself of this slander and found the gem in a bear’s cave and brought it back to Shatrajit. (full story here)

                                    Krishna and the Syamantaka Gem

Chapter 18: Not Coveting; Non-Coveting; Avoidance of Covetousness (vehkaamai: வெஃகாமை)

 Chapter 18: Not Coveting; Non-Coveting; Avoidance of Covetousness (vehkaamai: வெஃகாமை)

Not Coveting Explained

Coveting or longing for the possessions of others has a powerful tendency to create enmity between us and them – at least in our heads and hearts if not in actuality. Further, it tends to foster discontent in our own lives – that is, the more we focus on what others have, the less we appreciate our own blessings. As envy or jealousy leads to coveting, this chapter is placed next to the chapter on Non-envying.

Coveting can be said to include the development of a strong liking leading to hypothecating something that someone else has. Non-coveting refers to the mindset where there is no such strong desire to take possession of others’ belonging by any means.

It is acceptable to get ideas about material things and non-material items such as others’ skills, character, knowledge and try to develop the skills and the wherewithal to get such material comforts. That is not coveting. But to develop a mental condition of thinking of those items and skills and thinking of ways to take possession by improper means is coveting and is not healthy.  This chapter emphasises the following points regarding the benefits of non-coveting and the ill effects of coveting:

When a person desires to attain a thing, that person will try to fulfill the desire without thinking of the consequences. Jealousy begins upon seeing another person possessing a thing and the thought as to “why can’t I get that thing” ? Then the mind starts scheming ways to get that item - if it cannot be obtained by proper means, then the desire to get it by even unlawful means crops up.

When desire sets in, even the most knowledgeable and the most straightforward persons stoop down to low levels. Those who covet, even want to take possession of others’ property.

Things like the resulting great benefit, immediate and short term pleasure, inability to earn such are some of the causes for the rise of coveting. The gain resulting from coveting will not be appreciated. Wealth reaches in a timely fashion to one who understands the value of non-coveting while coveting will destroy the entire household and bring culpability and cause destruction. Non-coveting brings success.

This chapter advises coveting to be nipped in the bud.

There is nothing wrong in desiring for material wealth and comfort. To desire for acquiring something like that owned by another is also not bad.

But to get a strong liking for another’s possession and getting envious and desiring and scheming to get that same exact item is not proper. The proper way is to work for and earn the item. Respecting others’ rights like our own is the only fair approach. Coveting

what another has earned by hard work is an unfair practice.

The essence of chapter verses

Couplet 171:

To think of appropriating another’s hard earned possession by unfair means will result in the destruction of the entire family and culpability of the perpetrator.

Couplet 172:

Those who deem injustice shameful never commit guilt-yielding deeds driven by money-yielding desires.

Couplet 173:

Those who desire the higher pleasures (of heaven) will not act unjustly through desire of the trifling joy. (in this life).

Couplet 174:

With senses conquered and sight unclouded by depravity, One will not covet others' wealth, even in destitution.

Couplet 175:

What avails a man's subtle and comprehensive learning, If, in a covetous delirium, he still exploits others?

Couplet 176:

One who is doing his duty and desirous of grace, will face destruction if he in his desire for wealth contrives to acquire it wrongly.

Couplet 177

Desire not the gain of covetousness. In the enjoyment of its fruits there is no glory.

Couplet 178:

To protect his own prosperity from decline One must not crave the property held by others.

Couplet 179:

Lakshmi, knowing the manner (in which she may approach) will immediately come to those wise men who, knowing that it is virtue, covet not the property of others.

Couplet 180:

To covet (the wealth of another) regardless of consequences will bring destruction. That greatness (of mind) which covets not will give victory.

A Story to Illustrate:

There was a poor mendicant who needed to get alms from charitable and God fearing neighbors.

In order to sustain. So he will go from house to house and simply chant “Salutations to Krishna” (Krishnaaya Namaha). The lady of the house will recognize the chant and come out to give some rice or money.

One day he saw a silver item lying on the floor. This was a kid-feeder (கிண்டி/gindi) used for feeding milk to a toddler. This man coveted that and as it was accessible and no one was noticing, he took it and hid it in his clothes.

The people in the house noticed the kid-feeder missing and were wondering where it went?

Next day when the poor pandit came to that house he was afraid that the homeowner might have found that the feeder is missing. As he was feeling guilty, without his knowledge the chant came out: “Salutations to Kid-feeder” (கிண்டியாய நமஹ/gindiyaaya namaha).

The house owner immediately recognized this mendicant as the culprit who took the kid-feeder and got him punished!

Chapter 17 - Not Envying a-zhuk-kaa-rra-my (அழுக்காறாமை)

 Okay, let's continue with the Wisdom of the Weaver-Sage, also known as Tirukkurrall by Tiruvalluvar.

Today, I'm continuing the study of Tirukkurrall by Tiruvalluvar.

Also, I call it the Wisdom of the Weaver-Sage.

We will continue with chapter 17. Which is a-zhuk-kaa-rra-my (அழுக்காறாமை). It can be translated as “avoidance of Envy” or “not envying” or “No-envy”.  This chapter deals with the virtue of non Envy. Envy or jealousy refers to the mental pollution that means pollution in one's heart. The inability to bear the burden of others’ good fortune is envy. Envy is something that should be completely eradicated as it paves the way for other crimes to occur. Envy will destroy the one who harbors it. He will not have a good life. Wealth will go away from him; his friends and folks will also move away from him.

The one with Envy will go without food and clothing. The message of these verses is that jealousy will lead one to darkness.   We observe that sometimes the jealous ones are flourishing and the ones who are not jealous are suffering.  What to do about it?  It seems to be our sage’s answer in the last couple is to indicate that the jealous do not flourish and the non- envious are not stunted in riches or at least he says nobody flourish because of jealousy and nobody who was not jealous was stunted in riches because of being non-jealous. There may be other reasons. This chapter advises us to adopt a non-envying nature.

Not envying:

Envying is one of the four bad qualities to be avoided by mankind  (greed, anger and harsh speech being the other three as mentioned in an earlier couplet (couplet number 35))  because envy gives room for all other evils. The Weaver_Sage put Envy ahead of the evils to be avoided. Not envying is an essential virtue for being a proud human being. This chapter teaches how to prevent even evil thoughts resulting from the quality of envying over the Good Fortune of others. Jealousy is the intolerance of fame, knowledge, strength, success, wealth, good fortune, consumption, beauty, pride, courage, health, and so on. Jealousy is the result of being unable to tolerate others having the above good things in life and not having the skills to obtain them for oneself.

Some tend to consider it is alright to be jealous of others’ education, fame, career, etc. But jealousy is different; The competitive attitude of thinking that one should be superior to others is different. Competitive attitude helps one to be motivated. Jealousy leads to destruction. The jealous one is hopeless. He will think negatively that he will lose if others progress. The jealous person will have mental agony over the good of others and will attempt to destroy, extort, or bad-mouth others. He will have no progress. The competitor is not jealous. So he has no shortage of creativity.

So basically in these last two paragraphs what we see is this: it gives a kind of explanatory definition of jealousy. So basically not being able to tolerate others’ success or others’ good fortune is jealousy.

To see others being successful are flourishing and when we do not have the skills and thus we are not able to achieve success we feel jealous. It goes on to say that sometimes in certain things jealousy is okay, but yet the idea is basically wrong; idea is to differentiate; what one should know is that jealousy is different from competitive spirit. The competitive spirit is one where one sees others succeeding and tries to see what kind of skills they have and try to develop those skills or put on the extra effort to win. So it's okay to compete but it's something else to be just jealous and then go about criticising them or bad mouthing them and talking as if they got just by mere luck and they are inferior to oneself.

The Weaver-Sage gives a serious punishment to the lowly one who cannot tolerate others

giving to the needy. He says such a person along with his folks will go without food and clothing. Some people are not charitable enough, but when somebody is charitable to give to another person they cannot stand it. That's another bad thing. So Tiruvalluvar says such a person who cannot tolerate others giving to the needy will go without food and clothing.

The essence of chapter verses

161. To hold no envy in one’s heart is what one should make one's lifelong discipline.

162. Among the profuse precious things a man may acquire, none surpasses a nature free from envy toward all. (Not being envious of anybody is a rich reward; there is nothing that can match it.)

163. He who is jealous instead of joyous of another's wealth does not desire, they say, wealth and virtue of his own. (One who, in his envy, doesn’t appreciate the wealth of others, 

is known not to value virtue and his own wealth.)

164. One will not do evil deeds out of jealousy, realizing the misery that comes with going in a jealous way. (Those who know of the ills inflicted by envy, will not do anything evil out of envy.)

The learned people who realize that action out of jealousy will bring one’s downfall. So they will not do anything untoward in jealousy and that the tree they can avoid acting badly income,

Couplet 165. A man's own envy is enough to forge his ruin, even though he has no other enemies.  (For destruction to be caused, there is no need for outside enemies; if one has envy in heart, it will suffice to cause one’s downfall).

166. If envies envy on others of their charity, that will affect him without foodand cloth along with his family also in future. There are two ways of interpreting here one is that anybody who's jealous of a charitable person giving charities and donations or gift to a third person, the person who cannot tolerate it is almost cursed by Tiruvalluvar that he will he will lose all his - He will be impoverished. Lack of food and clothing; not only that once he doesn't have these things is all his folks - which is everybody friends everyone - will leave him. This one interpretation; another way to interpret this couplet is the one who's jealous of somebody giving charity giving gift will lose his Essentials like clothing and food. Not only that; even his relatives and friends will also lose because of that because when one is like that people start disliiking anybody who Associates with such a person will also be despised by the people.

167. Fortune's Goddess, intolerant of men who cannot tolerate other's success, Introduces them to her sister Misfortune and goes away. (Good luck desert envies and bad luck occupies him.)  So Fortune’s goddess is supposed to be Lakshmi and the goddess or angel of misfortune is Moo-devi is supposed to be the elder sister of Laksmi. So one who cannot tolerate another success then Lakshmi the fortune goddess will get away and not only go away, but also show this person (hand over this person) to misfortune - goddess of misfortune.

Good luck deserts the envious and bad luck occupies him. So one who is envious will find that he gets less and less good luck and more and more bad luck 

168. The great sin called jealousy will destroy wealth and push the envious person to those worlds of hellish fire. (Envy is a damned ill that will destroy one’s wealth and consign him to a fiery inferno.)   Jealousy is such a bad thing and one who's jealous will go down and down and down and become very poor and very impoverished.

169. The wealth in the hands of a person with envy at heart, and the destitution of a person, devoid of it, are aberrations that need to be analysed. 

Sometimes we see people who are jealous seem to be endowed with the good life whereas another person who is having pure minded and has no jealousy at all is 

suffering from bad luck or misfortune.  So in Couplet 169, he simply says that this is something to be analyzed. Or that It is worth pondering that good men may be poor While the envious in heart prosper.

170. An envious person doesn’t ever attain glory; of those who have no envy, there is none who has fallen from glory. (None prospered on envy as well as none had gone poor being envyless.)

It is not because of envy; having some other good qualities or something else, but not jealousy that brought in Good Fortune. A person who is not jealous was impoverished, has bad luck and so on, that really means that's not because he was not jealous. It is in spite of being non jealous and something else that's going on. So this is a very simple chapter but it's a very important quality. It's nice to see here that one of the base instincts of human beings is to be jealous when one cannot achieve and when somebody is simply achieving something that one wants to achieve.

It will take time to overcome the deficiencies and working hard to achieve something they felt jealous about.

And then there comes other bad qualities like bad mouthing them, making fun of them and so on. It happens everywhere, when a particular section of the society particular community or particular region is flourishing, the not-flourishing due to laziness, due to community laziness or societal laziness or societal bad habits; but they will be making fun of those who are flourishing, you know, the jokes about the particular group of people by another group, another religion, another society, another state. They're just jealous, but they cannot compete with them. So they make fun of them and have some satisfaction.  That's what would happen at the individual level or the society level if one is not developing his skills or training but still cannot tolerate others succeeding. This is given as one of the worst habits - one of the four real bad habits or what's called the opposite of Dharma or bad attitudes, bad practices, bad habits etc.

And So we will open for discussion when we meet next time and we'll try to discuss some examples from real life. Also Kural only says we should avoid jealousy, but we should think about how to practice it on a day-to-day basis when we get jealousy or when someone gets jealous. Instead of criticizing them we should analyse and try to see how we can overcome jealousy. Develop the skills to achieve or sometimes we may not need that item or position. We don't have to worry about not getting that, which is not essential. So there are several ways of overcoming jealousy, but it has to come by introspection.  You think about it and then do constant practice.